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Model answer & Analysis IELTS Band 8 letter, topic: ask the college principal for information about a scholarship

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Question

You are a student who wants to apply to the Green Pines College. You are experiencing financial problems at the moment.
 
Write a letter to the Principal of the College explaining your situation and ask for information on scholarships or other means of financial help available.

Model answer 

Dear Sir/Madam,
 
I am writing to you in regard to scholarships available at the Green Pines College.
 
Your college is at the top of my list due to its unique reputation, and for that reason, I prepared all the required paperwork well before the start of the admission process. Even though I believe my likelihood of being accepted is quite high, one challenge might prevent me from enrolling. I was hoping you could guide me in order to overcome it and achieve my goal of studying at your college.
 
At present, I have no source of income to cover tuition fees and study-related expenses. I found myself in this situation for a reason beyond my control: my entire savings were lost in the latest stock market crash.
 
I am, therefore, writing to request information about any available scholarships that your distinguished college may offer. I am aware of the fact that you often offer some sort of scholarships to cover study costs, at least partially.
 
In case you do not offer any scholarships, I would appreciate any advice to help me secure the required funds for my study.
 
I am looking forward to hearing back from you.
 
Yours faithfully,
 
Richard Jones

Analysis

 
All the requirements of the task were covered well. The points listed in the task statement were sufficiently addressed, with ideas in a logical order and cohesion maintained. The paragraphing is appropriate. The writer used a wide range of vocabulary in a skilful and effortless way; errors are very rare in this letter. Overall, this work seems worthy of Band 8.
80%
Awesome
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